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Teaching Your ADHD Child How to Organize Their Bedroom

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2019 ADHD Palooza featuring Lisa Woodruff

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welcome to the 2nd Annual ADHD parents Palooza 30 renowned expert 5 good day charge by the AT&T network by impact ADHD started on with the show Play Welcome Back to the ATC parrot palooza I'm dying Dempster co-founder of impact ADHD. Com where we do online parent training coaching and support for parents of Cam kids and with me is when the wrong way and I am the co-founder of the Palouse has both the women's and the parents and when my day job is actually as the co-founder as the founder I did get a f****** again I'm so sorry all right this is the fourth time and we're not doing any more after this 3-2-1 welcome back to the ADHD parent palooza I'm dying Chester co founder of enzymes ADHD where we do online parent training coaching and support for parents of complex kids and with me is Linda roggli and I'm the co-founder of both the ADHD women's palooza and the ADHD Tuscaloosa and my day job is the founder of the add even Network and I work with women with ADHD or a 40 and better as I like to call him or 50 in bed or even 60 or 70 and then we are at a call Commerce so let's get started we are going to get Redwood our next speaker with I'm just so excited to welcome her she's a newbie she's a newcomer to she's not a newbie she's a newcomer to our to our format but she's been around for a very long time talking about her favorite topic this is we're going to talk to Lisa wood and she's going to talk about organizing helping your ADHD child organize their bedrooms so let's have a little bit more information about that shower my dad so if you missed the session are you miss play still be available for 24 hours for free you just go to palooza Central and the website the schedule for each tear the replay Lincoln is there you can get all that information for free for the first 24 hours and we'll send you an email once a day play today absolutely we will be tired of our emails but trust me that you will get one of them that you'll cook on Hugo A-ha I got that one everything's on the website to see you can't miss this and I know that you're going can either share the session was someone else in your family or your child or you're getting you made and what have it for your permanent record and For Heaven's Sake if you miss that replay window don't worry we know you're really busy with ADHD kid so in case you missed the replay window you can always the entire package this week it's half-price it's $97 for all 30 recordings which is an incredible bargain and you also can get the this year it's not about not just a recording but when you buy The Encore package you get the Journeys at the video recordings what you're saying now you get the audio recordings in a separate file are you also for the first year ever get the transcripts which is why we're recording all of these ahead of time so that we have time to get these transcripts ready for you they're not verbatim but they're the essence of what's going on I think you were going to really appreciate them they're very very popular in the women's palooza this year and I expect them to be popular here absolutely So Lisa Woodruff is the founder of 365 Amazon best-selling author her book is called the mind of organization take back your house one phase at a time and how ADHD affects time organization Lisa share your belief that organization is not just a skill that you're born but it's something that has to be developed over time and it changes as you change in your brain changes Lisa has helped thousands of women women reclaim their homes and finally get organized with her focus on  store organizing encouragement and and she has a weekly podcast called organize 365 Lisa we're so glad to have you with us today oh my goodness I'm so honored to be apart thank you so much for this opportunity cancer start you know this is the college challenges that we have with these kids and the one you're talking about is cleaning their bedroom and I know that the bedroom is helping your kids. Keiser bedroom the most important place to start so I also have a parent of two children that have ADHD and other complexities is USA and I was born organize kids like I was a kid who fish to put to my room I organize her room I thought that was fun and even when the kids were little I was fine and then life that moving too fast when the kids were in grade school literally ran me over my entire house is a mess I couldn't figure out how I got disorganized anyway to get organized again and also at that same time I was like in my late thirties I was about to turn 40 fabulous Linda I love being in my forties play getting ready to turn 40 we're getting ready to enter middle school and I was at the point in my life where you know I had this dream of what I thought it would be as a mom and honestly I had been organized because I was bored or not because I was taught how to be organized I wasn't organized and I felt like I was feeling myself as feeling my spouse as feeling my kids I wasn't doing my job I wasn't being a good mom and also about the end of middle school is about the time if you have kids that have complexities in addition to ADHD you realize that those developmental delays aren't going away they say they're developmentally delayed and just get him in all these extra things and do all day kindergarten in Amarillo and all the stuff and then you get to like third fourth grade and then all the sudden nobody talks about developmental delays anymore but we still are as I call the support for that goes away so now you have these kids which I think what I've heard on average an ADHD child is usually about 7 percent their age as far as function usually it's so in my mind I had heard plenty of experts at so I knew I'm parroting it to tow 25 when I get my kids 25 they'll be at 18 and I will be done with my parenting and I and me metal shed Society did not keep up with me and so the school expectations and you know like if your kid is into doing what the other toddlers are doing it's funny it's cute whatever if your kid isn't doing with the other four ears are doing you are a bad mom and I always feel like a bad mom and I will just be honest with you I have not taught thousands of women to get organized hundreds of children like I loved it but here's the thing my kids need less responsibility but more life skills as my entire phone cuz my kids are now 17 and 19 and because their bandwidth is less I have to be even more intentional with exactly what I teach them so I'm just I promised my kids learn to do laundry last year my children have never done a dish they have zero chore responsibilities I am not your parenting expert do not look for me for parenting advice however their bedroom is skip that will become their dorm room or apartment or condo or house and that is a lifelong skill to learn to maintain your spouse space choose your decorations you know we have some saying that that is your mini apartment is I called kids bedrooms and that is what you take ownership of and that's what you need to learn not the job I have as a mom to organize and clean this whole house I take that on myself I did all the laundry I pick up all the backpacks I never did any of that wasn't a battle I was it was worth taking for me but teaching them to organize their bedroom was one it took me 18 months with my daughter in about 6 months with my son so it's worth the investment but it's a long haul but it's a life skill they need go ahead go ahead I'm willing to defer so what it sounds like how to talk a little more about how that trans as they develop and grow well if you think of your child's bedroom as a mini apartment instead of a better when you say it's our better like go clean your bedroom as if it's one space but if you think of it as a mini Department then you start to realize how many zones are in those better bedroom and how that extrapolates out to your whole house so there's a laundry section there's a clothing section there's a sleeping section there's a playing section there's a work section there's a display section there's a storage section inside of that tiny bedroom and when you can then compartment it's like that and break it out into tasks you say okay we're just going to talk about clothing we're just going to talk about your memorabilia we're just going to talk about your school work and then it makes more manageable for you and them and also that's why bedrooms are so difficult is because you're like organize the bedroom what's 12 different zones and they need each one requires different organization or different thought processes so let's talk about those skills though how do you teach me let's go back to your kids how did what age did you work with them on this so Global organizing I did start when they were very very little like in the toy run they would help me get rid of things they learned to declutter when they were even like three or four like the first time I remember seeing as we brought all the stuffed animals into our playroom and it was they had to help me and so we played this game where they would pick ones they wanted to save and they put this in their room and they pick ones that they wanted to give to their cousins or people whose houses burned down and we put those in the donate they were out of energy or they didn't really want to give up anything anymore we stopped they learned as a child that when they were done with something or they no longer wanted it anymore there was a friend or niece or nephew or someone in need and I just taught them that idea of someone else needs this let's Let It Go that was like literally from 3 to probably 9 or 10 if you allow them to make a decision the collaborative effort it wasn't you saying oh you don't need this one anymore you don't need to spend any coming out and they freak out later or whatever right because we literally had five Clifford the Big Red Dog books I do expensive I want to get rid of it but that's the one that we gave you and Abby came home from the hospital he was three and always and you could see in his little eyes he was like like I could never get rid of this as like Lisa are ruining this child like she's going to keep this silly stuffed animal because your expectation on that toy is now impacting and he wouldn't get rid of it like for 4 years so we can remember what it was he was supposed to be specially organized for kids I would say Mom you're not allowed and when we're done this is what we are getting rid of if you want to keep that Clifford the Big Red Dog because you gave it to them when you brought your sibling home then you get to keep it in your storage room because you own the entire house all the owners this bedroom and they don't have room for memory you're not their own. It makes perfect sense thank you so go ahead I noticed that it would be anywhere between 7 and 12 was when they were they had that sensitive. For organizing your bedroom in that time frame so some precocious little kids I'll do it at 5 some kids never do it but it's so I started my kids around the ages of 9 and 10 I was able to get his room organized around 10 and Abby almost all the way till 12 and 18 months of us doing it every single weekend together because you're talking about the skill of detach and you're talking about the skill of prioritizing skills that it takes to organize a room that parents can focus on yeah so two things I'd like to say that one there is a cycle of organization for everyone and it starts with decluttering which is the easiest and takes the longest organizing is all mental which is putting like with like and deciding what containers and then the third one which we all want is increasing Pro 2 to taking an organized space and making it more productive this happens with email paper your bedroom is closed at anything you could organize first you will declutter then you will organize it then you will increase productivity or we'll work on it that's just Global organization and then when you actually go to organize a physical space there is like getting ready process and I do talk about that quite a bit in this how ADHD affects home organization book this idea you need to cut it give yourself a script especially of organization doesn't come naturally to you wanted to kind of trick you into doing it but also give you that rote memory of like okay do this then this then this then you get to the organizing peace and the first three things you do are eliminating trash in that space searching for any food or dishes that I need to go back to the kitchen and then third laundry and clothing in any space in your car in your in your family anywhere you will find if you have children that can walk you'll find clothing food and dishes everywhere and trash and doing those things first that's how you get kids to start organizing his first day of to get rid of the trash there's always crash and they have to get any food and dishes out of their room and then they need to the clothing out there is the biggest most overwhelming thing some is clean some is dirty which is which just get it all the way out and down to the laundry room so then we can assess what's left and do true organizing Lisa what I'm hearing you say that it can be really important let's go clean your room and there's so much overwhelming there I have to tell you my my daughter's not find the floor if you start with just getting into space where you can even begin to organize you have to get rid of the trash you have to get rid of the good dishes you have to get rid of the laundry when you can then you can start the project and I think that repair try to love it all in together it's overwhelming for them is probably overwhelmed for the kids as well will cleaning your bedroom is like an 89 step project that is not and if you struggle with tasks wishing and task initiation which is one of the eight executive functions of 88 organizing your bedroom is like getting a PhD after difficult at so my son really struggles with this and you would think that it's best way I can explain this is understanding how many steps something is never has made any of his own food until he was eighteen and the reason why is because we wanted them to make a bagel with cream cheese and we were talking to therapist she said that's like 21 steps it's a bagel with cream cheese she's like try to make it getting a big loud get the toaster out get the cream cheese out get an iced out open the bag and put the bagel in push it down I mean if you start counting and for you and me maybe that's no big deal but if you struggle with tie initiation task initiation is not starting things task initiation is regulating your energy task switching from starting an activity to the next thing to the next thing to the next thing and sustaining your activity all the way to the end of a project could not make a bagel could not it so he's in college and I gave him a ridiculous amount of money for fast food cuz he's not in a dorm room and my husband is like you're crazy I'm like I would like him not to start like why you think he's going to be able to do this. I would like all of his energy going towards getting his college degree not towards figuring out how to make a twenty one step bail I mean I don't know what to tell you but it's just not the priority you have got to constantly with these children be prioritising what is best for them in the long term versus what you think some extra a person's expectation of you is who doesn't have cameras in your house like just what does your child need for Success not to what other people think we should be doing with our children a refreshing attitude I absolutely adore this whole idea and when I'm also hearing is that your tailoring this uniquely to that child but really know how bear ADHD or whatever else they have going on really displays in the world and as you mentioned the energy in the tea that says sin and the kind of the glazed look in the TDM goat oh no I can't do this anymore I can tell you that when you talk about even breaking those down into the you know taking out the trash can you add the dishes even the laundry which is basic I'm I'm wondering if parents out there really know the right words to use the language in the approach for that so is it tell me how you do it tell me what the what you find the best approaches for that so I'll tell you how I did it with my daughter which was maddening I'm not going to lie it was maddening but I'm so so glad I took the time and I did it as a teacher and I was a middle school math teacher and a preschool teacher same thing basically anyway neither of those break things down and they need to trick people in like it's really fun come to me on the math teacher there we have so many steps so many steps and 1/2 remember the steps and I don't want to do it so here's how I taught my daughter to do her bedroom is I went in her bedroom and I just had her lay on the bed and I actually did it is it going to take out the trash, take out the laundry and you know it would take me hours to do it and the key is you have to do it every single Saturday if you don't do it every single Saturday it fills up beyond what they can handle. And you everybody gets matter and then it's just like overwhelming it must be done every single week because they just trash things so I did that probably for four weeks in a row I just did the whole thing while she laid on the bed then week 5 I said okay I'm going to come in and clean I want you to pick up all the trash before I get in there so she picked up all the trash she would have the trash in the hallway she say I'm done with the trash so then I would go into bedroom I be like okay I'm going to pick up the food dishes here carry this down to the down to the kitchen I'm going to collect the clothing and we did that for about a month then it was I need you to collect the trash I need you to go get the food and dishes and put them in the kitchen and then call me when you're starting to collect the laundry so now she's calling me when she's trying to collect the laundry now I'm in her room now and her cat we had a ton of books so she's collecting a laundry and by collecting laundry I mean throw it out the door into the hallway that's all I made her do I did not make her take it all the way down to laundrum I would have lost her forget it clear out this room and I would start to collect the book but I'm on the bookshelf as she was done with the laundry for a couple of weeks then she got to lay on her bed but as time progressed I was like okay I'm halfway done with the books can you please finish the books I'm going to go start doing this at so then it becomes more individualized by what's in your child's room another thing is to reduce by the time we done this about six or seven months she's like I don't need all that stuff could we get rid of half the book because she was realizing this was taking hours of her Saturday and if there was less stuff in your mom would leave faster I would rather have Mom not in my bedroom that has three hundred bucks that she no longer was reading this by now we knew she was dyslexic so why did you don't mind I had books in their room they were reading them and then I was like oh my gosh I bookshelves in the room what kind of Special Needs school where everything is on tape and I have all these books they're never going to read these books Never End as a board what mm books that was crushing but that was my dream not their books are gone so there's a couple of stuff skeleton at least it's a part of it what you were just trying his kind of managing your own stuff right so there's a lot of times that as parents we have this vision of what their room should look like and where a bad mama they don't have the perfect pretty room and so that's what I think we have to Grapple with his parents the other piece of is your teaching cooperation and you're teaching asking for help which are such as kids are doing then come and ask me to come and help you when you're done with this piece of it so your permission to ask for help which is one of the things those of you with older kids here asking for help is one of the hardest things that our kids have a hard time with difficult because they think they should be able to do it themselves but if you've been grain that in them so you're teaching all these. and you're helping them learn how to manage their mini apartment yeah and then they realize they had say like I have redone their bedrooms 5 times not carpet paint not really Furniture but like would repaint the walls and make it new bedding or we do it all the time in the summer like every other year in the summer like we totally redo the room and in that you get everything out to get rid of a lot more than they have less and they really take ownership of that space Hispanic is my dog HD shows up much more around her room like she she's the kid that I'll come home and like all the furniture's out in the hallway because she exactly that and she's like okay I'm going to put this here and that there I need a new piece of sheet were there space and she wants to look different which is part of what motivates her to keep it a certain way that's great I mean I think that's great so I'm I'm going to be very specific I'm going to go back because when you said that you had your daughter just laying she just watching you sometimes she's watching me sometimes she was on an iPad it's a wrap doesn't matter it's almost like you any decision you're going to make his appearance we're not going to take food out of the kitchen or we're always going to dress up for church or whatever your rule is so our rule was the bedroom was going to get cleaned they didn't have to like I didn't say we did call each other it was like not pretty Saturday's like sometimes I can't you know I mean no I was like not necessarily the teacher but it got done never time and sometimes we did skip a week and she regretted it and I regretted it every time we did that as like Steve we cannot skip a week so we learned a lot of lessons together but they were all life skills that now she's just recently moved to our base which is huge and it's finished and she is like there's so much more space it takes me so long to do it but I don't help her and she can get it done because she learned those skills so it is and my son to he's off at College in his own apartment and he can sell don't even call me and say Mom I can't get my room organizers just so much to do and I will say okay pick up all the trash and call me when you're done and he will text me and say I got it all done but that routine of Ash dishes laundry put you in that rote memorization that I taught them it as soon as he can get started cuz task initiation is still his big thing it's so much better than it used to be but it still has big thing what to get started on the task is almost like your habit takes or after that it goes oh yeah I do dishes next and I had to close and now he's in a tiny studio apartment which he equates to set her cuz I was called at his apartment while they're going to have a hard time differentiating between West that's the only thing to worry about I'll take care of everything else that a lot and impact ADHD take a name and you've taught them that if they have a pattern that they follow you or whatever it is that's what their brain needs so my brother is you know in the bedroom is trash food laundry you know when they're 30 years old and they're trying to you know how to make sure that they remember everything at the grocery store it might be Keys list I mean I don't know what it is but it's that sort of learning how your brain works what kinds of Barbie soda the implicit but that right said he actually said is I'm getting the room clean but how do you have the conversations about the process of doing all this stuff what do you mean by that I mean like there's no just play the river do you talk about most of the cleaning the room oh my gosh kids don't hear the process where do I get the other thing because my kids didn't know chars we pay for everything newsflash I buy everything it's not like we don't like as a parent you're not paying for everything right so because I'm paying for everything anyway I would give the money for whatever I was going to buy anyway after your room is clean cigarette will do that after your room is clean so they wanted their money early do it on Friday night you don't want to do it till Sunday night that's fabulous but I'm not giving you the money what for whatever you want or now it's 20 bucks like I pee alot but it's worth it to me it's worth it to me to have Emily's are teenage I'm going to give the money anyway this is the bottom like you're not getting your children money for whatever they want to do so the room has to be clean and if she chooses not to do it that weekend then she forgot has the money so yeah cash is a really great motivator works for most and speaking of a dog that's really what you're trying to do to get your stuff back when we talked about this earlier it was about setting up structure that will translate and it's already translating for your son and the college but SSI it may be something else down the road that will also have the same kind of structure that's that they begin to learn oh yeah this is how I do this why don't you talk about though is wearing a hat when you are. because in the basement she has like a little thousand square foot finished basement bathroom a bedroom and like a kitchenette are she's a lot of space and she immediately went from her own bedroom to organizing all of that without me going down and reteaching and all the adults that I have in the 100 a program when we start any space whether it's the storage room or the garage River we start with trash traditions and clothing and it's always there you guys and then we move into whatever we organize that's what I would say about that preschool teacher by trade and then I added on middle school math and then I became a mom and now I'm a professional organizer so that's my progression if you are an already organized person we are going to have to have you take it down 89 notches for your kids because they cannot meet you expectation that I'm a professional organizer last I didn't start it I did start as an organized person but not as a professional organizer I started as a teacher so if you need a way to introduce this to your kids especially if your kids are over the age of 12 but this is a lie Pain Scale they need and maybe you're not in the best of relationship right now just saying find a way to make it really fun and funny at so if you have like you know they would have those crazy hat days or whatever or you might have some really fun socks or maybe you have like cooking apron pick something like that and then put it on and whatever my kids were irritated I would talk in a British accent and I can't do accents which made it even funnier like I was British and then we would go from Mad to laughing so come up with some kind of an accident of some kind of costume and then you're going to show me what is the matter with her is she doing but it's two things one it's showing them that there's nothing wrong with them or this is like the new latest thing and it's telling you you're not Mom you or Mrs Butterworth or whatever your name is going to be at so when the heck is on and they are not going to lie but it's just going to be the thing and you're going to channel me and do your brain or whoever you love that is an organizer. Take okay what it's me so I was sitting here what would you do she would not yell at my child and go get coffee but what you do what you do and then just read watch this video or get the kids program that I haven't go step-by-step they're doing the kids program together this is one of the things that I notice in all of your stuff is that you use the word organize not the word clean oh yes because transplant clean rooms yes to totally different skills I almost never talk about cleaning because I have a cleaning lady and I think you should too I'm just saying cleaning takes a lot of time and almost always almost always you a notice people are either organized or they are clean they're usually not both so determine if you're somebody who cleans or you are somebody who organizes what is this most when a neighbor of ours had their house on them and that house was clean I mean you could have eaten off of the floor but she was she was she was not organized and every time people with your house the feedback was this house is not clean enough to itch you get all the bleach at you keep cleaning another friend she had a bunch of stuff it was this early clean Super organized though her house sold lickety-split and they said it's the cleanest house we've been in organized to clean not cleanliness to clean two totally different scales I've been having a visual order at a place to put it away organizing just means a place to put something away everything has a place that's organized clean is you could drop something on the floor pick it up and eat it so do you want to clean or organize my kids get there organized and then the only cleaning I have them do as they do need to vacuum their bedrooms with their other cleaning stuff like they don't change their sheets they don't dust the room those are cleaning things so do you want them to clean or do you want them to organize so let's talk about just for a minute about the parents being disorganized because let's face it you have a lot of hereditary ADHD going on here it's not it doesn't sound like it's a fair to go in and say okay and here's this three steps and blah blah blah and they go out in Mom's bedroom isn't so or they're so talk a little bit about how we set an example and do we have to be organized first well it's hard to teach something you don't know how to do and you often will teach something you don't know how to do without as much grace as if you've learned how to do it yourself to change your own behavior you have much more grace when other people are learning that same skill and so I usually do suggest that the women get organized first and almost always have a 100 a program its lifetime we do it over and over and over again when people start that I tell them you join the 100 a program your spouse and children will follow along. It's not going to work and then two or three weeks and I came home and the kids clean the kitchen or I came home and my husband like returned all the stuff that's been sitting in the garage for 6 months they're just following mama duck as she makes changes then they make changes and anything you organize they're not going to undo so I didn't say you should organize yourself first now if you don't have the time or you don't have the organizational skill but you have to organize your whole house as well then start with your bedroom you organize your bedroom and they organize their bedroom and mine as adults we have condos by the way they have Apartments ours is are many kind of prices are bedroom bathroom closet cuz usually the master suite is bigger I'm just saying yeah perfect. Sounds perfect to me all right so we covered a lot of ground today together because I know that you have given me hope don't even at home anymore my grandkids but it just it feels like it is manageable and I think that's where your that's your goal right if it doesn't feel so overwhelming and I really appreciate your examples about you son about about the bagel about food about not having such high expectations which comes back to us as parents and it also comes back to little bit of peer pressure right now feeling like what I should my kids blah blah blah all that so I can't have my kids can't have anybody over because the rooms are a mess of whatever let's talk about what is the most important piece of this that you want people to take away and then I want you to talk about your program so the most important piece I want take away is that you are an exceptionally awesome mama like you are just amazingly great and you are the perfect mom for the children that you've been gifted. And us at so everything else is you know we're going inside Christmas tree icing on the cake nobody have cameras in your house nobody is looking and seeing what you're nobody's thinking the judgmental thoughts you have for yourself I need to love your kids you need to love your spouse if you have one you need to love yourself and you need to enjoy your home home should be a place that you love to be and that you enjoy mine never looks Pinterest perfect their dishes downstairs I'm done wallpaper coming off in my bedroom bathroom is never going to be perfect it's not a museum is a home we have lovely memories we've built in here the last 24 years my kids will not remember the dishes or the wallpaper they will remember the memories it's so focused on your kids and the memories and prioritize lifetime skills versus whatever whatever everybody else is talking about their kids are doing let them talk did Lisa tell us a little bit about how people can find you and the best resources I think the best place to start is the podcast organ play 365 we have almost 300 podcast episodes over there and I just tell stories specifically I have some on like why the houses of parents of children with special needs are always disorganized how to save memories from your childhood my depression story you know I am a real mom just like you that was organized and then I had to figure out how to find my organization again and then when you're ready to get organized especially if it was a steal you never learned before then I do have the step by step practical how to get that done for yourself in the 100 a program and for your kids and our kids program got it so they're two separate programs right yes okay cool cool cool cool and the website is organize 365. Com just so excited that you were here I'm just excited when I found her website I was so impressed it's just amazing an amazing resource and what I can say after meeting her live and in-person I'm even more impressed thrilled at the at your at your success and I'm also thrilled that your willingness to break things down in and really speak to the needs of your children and that means our children as well so thank you thank you thank you for being here you don't forget what that much more coming right yeah and to just a few reminders that if you want to go back and leave the past by listening to this over and over again if you want to listen to the server you can buy The Encore package if you want to listen to it again in the next 24 hours you can do that for free go ahead and buy the Encore package so you can keep this for 6 months from now when you can't remember what to do after you take out the trash then what we take out the arms in the eyes. all right you guys we will see you later for the joining us to take care and thanks again Lisa thank you is a production of the ADT been at work in partnership with impactadhd where is our mission to put the sparkle back in the lives of ADHD families everywhere

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